Men are always saying they don’t understand women. They say we’re complicated, and they have no idea what we’re thinking. Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Yes, we can be complicated, but we can also be really easy to please if you just know what it is we want from you.
So here it is. And yes, I’m generalising and am assuming to talk on behalf of women here so ladies, if you don’t agree, I apologise in advance. But here are (some) of the main things that women want:
We want to be heard, acknowledged and appreciated.
‘But I do those things’, you might be saying. When she asks me to do something for her, I acknowledge her and I do it. When she asks me to listen to what she’s saying, I listen. But here’s the thing…we don’t want to have to ask. We want you to be paying enough attention to know when we’re needing your support and do something about it. We want you to show up without having to ask you to show up. I’m not saying we expect you to be psychic and many women (myself included) need to learn to ask for something when we want it. But just sometimes, we’d really appreciate it if you could really see where we are and take the initiative to do something about it.
My husband and I often have this ‘issue’ when I say I feel like I’m doing everything and he says I don’t see all that he does (which is true) and that he does whatever I ask him to do….aha! and therein lies the issue. I don’t want to have to ask. Do you know how exhausting asking is? I’m asking my kids stuff the the whole day…‘what do you want for lunch? What snack do you want? What’s for supper? Why did you do that?’ And that’s me doing the asking. The amount of questions I get asked in a day is beyond mind boggling and exhausting…
‘Can I have a biscuit? Can we pretend bake? Can I have a playdate? Can I have a snack? and then when the answer to any of these questions is ‘No’, there’s the constant ‘Why? Why? Why? Please?Please?Please!’
So….when my husband comes home and asks me where the peanut butter is without having actually looked for it himself, yes, it makes me want to take his head and bash it into the kitchen counter. Too harsh? I thought I was holding back actually…but I digress. Back to having to ask for things…it kind of has a similar reaction inside…why do we have to ask? Isn’t it obvious? You want to be romantic? Do something for us without us asking but do something that you absolutely know we need or want. Do something that says I see you. I hear you.
We want to be heard, acknowledged and appreciated
One of my most romantic gifts from my husband was a hairdryer. I kid you not. I’d been using this crappy old hairdryer and every time I used it I would complain that I really needed to get myself a new one but me being me, just never quite got there. So one day I get a surprise delivery and it’s a…hairdryer! Because he knew I needed one he said. I loved him for this! This is romantic. It made my life easier because I didn’t need to go out and choose one myself. I felt seen. I felt heard.
So…what can you do to show up for your wife? Here are some ideas to get you started.
5 Easy And Simple Ways To Show Up For Your Wife
1. Run Her A Bath. Without asking, if she’s seeming tired and a bit stressed out run her a bath. Light candles, put in her favourite bath salt/bubble bath (pay attention to what it is) and then let her be. Give her the space and time that she’s needing.
2. Make Dinner. If you don’t usually do the cooking, offer to make dinner. Tell her she needs a break from it. Whether you get take aways or whatever you do, let it come from you that you’d like to give her a break from what she does every day. You can find some date night meal ideas over here.
3. Plan a date night together. If you want to run it by her that’s fine but take the initiative to spend some time together and make a plan to do something. Organise the baby sitter, do what needs to be done to make it happen. If you can’t get out, then order The Love Box and stay at home. Do something intentional to spend time together.
4. Talk To Her. Put your phone away when you’re together. Our phones are a complete distraction and nothing says, ‘I’m not really interested in what you’re saying’ quite like a phone that’s staring back at you when you’re trying to talk to someone. Ask her how she is. How her day was. Talk to her. Our Let’s Talk Box can help you out here.
5. Surprise her with a gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It’s about giving her something you know will bring her joy and something she’s been wanting. It really is the thought that counts here. Something like a book she’s been talking about, a beauty product, a spa voucher, flowers, a morning in bed even. Show her that you’ve been listening when she’s been talking. Our voucher booklet could be perfect as a surprise gift.
The important thing with all of this is not just to do it once off and that’s that. Do it regularly and do it genuinely. Pay attention to what she’s saying. Pay attention to how she’s doing. Pay attention to her soul. And if you can do anything to help her, do it. Without being asked. Show up for her like you’d want her to show up for you.