There are so many different qualities that make up a good relationship but trust is one of the most important ones. I believe in the details in life. My husband and I once went for a couples astrology reading and she said my hubby was there to remind me of the big picture and I was there to remind him of the details and that has been so true in our relationship. When I look at it, it’s those little details that speak for so much more.
Grand gestures can be great but for me, the little details are what really say I love you. A cup of tea made without asking, organizing dinner without having to ask, filling my bottle of water for me because he knows I forget to do it myself, a post -it note slipped under the pillow. These little gestures, to me, are the ones that really speak to my soul and heart and let me know that I am truly loved. I would rather have these little reminders constantly, than have one grand gesture once a year. ( on Valentines Day, for example).
The same applies with trust. In marriage, we often think of trust as one all encompassing thing, do we trust them or not? We think of all the big things where our trust can be broken. Do we trust that they’ll be faithful, not lie, or betray us? If we can answer yes to those questions, then that means we trust our partners, right? But for me, trust is also in the details. In the daily promises that get broken.
I came across this article, 7 Solutions That Can Save a Relationship and these were some of the points which I felt were most relevant to me in order to develop trust in your relationship.
3. Do what you say you will do.
4. Be honest and don’t tell lies…even white lies count as a lie.
5. Be true to your word…call when you say you will.
6. Call if you’re going to be late coming home.
These points have come up for us in our relationship for although I trust my husband implicitly in our relationship, when these little seemingly inconsequential promises are unintentionally not being kept, it has an effect on my ability to trust his words. I’m the kind of person who takes words and promises quite literally. So, if he tells me he’s going to be home at a certain time, that’s what I expect. And if the plan changes, I like to know. I’m also the kind of person who doesn’t make promises lightly and will only make one if I absolutely know I can keep it, even something as simple as promising to take my girls shopping or making a certain meal.
My husband is the kind of person who, out of the goodness of his heart and his need for wanting to make everyone happy, might promise something but due to various reasons might not be able to fulfill it when he says so. So although his intentions are always good, our different ways and styles of how we operate sometimes causes quite a bit of tension. Through lots of communication though, my husband has come to understand the importance of his words to me and of mine to him. We understand each other better and how we both work. He has learnt how his best intentions for wanting to please me and make me happy can sometimes have the exact opposite effect when something is over promised and not delivered on. And I’ve also had to learn to not take some of these things so personally.
So, I’ve come to understand that trust has so many layers to it. He doesn’t get it right all the time. Neither do I. But I trust in our ability to communicate when we feel that our trust in each other has been betrayed. No matter how big, or how small, I trust in that.
I would love to know…what does trust mean for you?