Before we had kids, being affectionate with each other was something that happened so naturally. Remember being that irritating new couple who couldn’t keep your hands off each other? We were one of them as well. In the beginning, you really just can’t get enough of each other and so there is a lot of touching and affection.
Now, well, it’s a little bit different. Thankfully, we have become more affectionate with each other again but there are definitely times where it just doesn’t happen as naturally. Life can get so busy juggling work, 2 kids and all the other stuff that comes with it, that we can actually forget to touch each other and there is so much magic in that touch.
I was thinking about this the other day when I had the idea to do a little experiment of touching each other every time we spoke to each other. When I told my husband about it, he said, “Great! I love that idea as that will mean you can’t shout to me from across the room.’ So, every time I wanted to talk to him, I had to walk from where I was in the house and go up to him, touch his arm, look him in the eye and tell him what I wanted to say. And vice versa. ‘Love, can you make me a coffee please?’, ‘Are you taking the girls to school?’ Whatever it was we had to say, we had to do this. It was really interesting.
It made me realise how many times we say things to each other which kind of get lost in the ether and our words become almost unheard but when we were touching each other, we connected in a different way. We both felt more heard and available to each other. We felt calmer because we weren’t shouting to each other across the house. He had done something to annoy me that morning and when I was touching his arm while talking to him, it was such a different experience. The way I told him, the way he received it was completely different to how it would normally go. Normally I might say how I was feeling but then walk away or be shut down to his response. From his side, he would just hear more nagging and shut down to what I was saying as he’s heard it however many times before. But it was amazing how touching him and really looking into his eyes while talking to him made me feel heard and made him feel like he really wanted to hear me. My words weren’t just words anymore, he could actually hear what was being said. Before we walked out the door and went our separate ways that morning, instead of feeling like we’d barely even said good morning to each other, we said good bye to each other feeling like we had already spent time together and feeling connected to one another.
It’s not something that’s sustainable because, although it would serve my bum and thighs to constantly have to walk over to him to tell him something, it isn’t totally practical. However, it was really incredible to feel the difference that that touch made when were talking to each other in helping us to feel connected and loved and is something I am much more aware of now when we are communicating with each other.
Try it. I would love to know your experience 🙂