Do you have any rituals in your relationship? I’m not talking about satanic rituals or killing sheep or anything like that although if that’s your vibe then that’s cool and I’m not judging. I’m talking about doing something together in an intentional and conscious way in order to help you deal with something or work through something? I wouldn’t say we have rituals in our relationship but we have done a ‘ritual’ twice. The first time to help us deal with something that was going on in our lives and the second being just the other night for a similar reason.
Without going into too much detail into our private lives I’ll just tell you that we’re going through a bit of a rough financial time at the moment. It’s been a very slow year and we’re starting to really feel it now. So we’ve been doing a lot of talking and a lot (ie too much) of thinking. Honestly, resentment and negative thoughts have come up a lot. Feelings of not being good enough, not doing enough, not making shit happen enough…yip they’re all coming up. For both of us. And as you may know, when you’re struggling through something, particularly money issues in a relationship, it can easily pull you apart in the opposite direction. We can go into the blame game, the shame game, all of it and trust me, when you’re feeling crap it’s not beneath us. When you’re struggling through something AND your relationship is taking strain and feeling crap, well then that takes feeling crap to a whole other level of feeling crap. Money has always been an issue in our relationship since we met as we both come from very different places with it. It is one of the things that we somehow don’t totally feel like a connected unit on. So, when I was chatting to my sister about what’s going on with us and she mentioned maybe doing a ritual, it reminded me that I had been wanting to do something which would connect my husband and I so that we felt we were in this together and will face it together. And so we did a ritual.
In front of our fire we have going in our lounge every night, we lit a candle to create a space for intention and consciousness. We then took a bit of time to each write down all the things we feared with regard to our current situation and all the negative voices that were going on in our heads. When we were done we read it to each other. And wow. It’s amazing how we see each others vulnerabilities and what we’re both sitting with when we express our fears and doubts without judgement. We then acknowledged and thanked our fears and doubts for trying to protect us and look out for us but we told them they were relieved from duty and we burned them in our fire. We kind of politely and very respectfully told them to fuck off!
Then we took another moment to each write down what we appreciate and what we invite into our lives. And we read that to each other. This was really powerful as it connected us in a very strong and powerful way. It made us feel that yes, we’re in this together and no matter what happens we’ve got each other and we’ve got two amazing children. We’ll be ok. If we keep together and keep focusing on keeping our relationship strong we’ll get through this phase of our lives as I do believe it is just a phase. And if it’s not, we’ll get through that too…together. When we’re on the same page, when we’re feeling connected, we feel empowered and strong. We feel supported and loved. When we focus on all the things we have in our lives, the closeness of our relationship, the honesty and openness, the fact that we can do a ritual and be completely vulnerable with each other and not think the other is a freak, the fact that we have each other, our girls and our health, is really worth more than anything else in this world. Bringing ritual in our relationship helped us to bring perspective and connectedness and gratitude and I hope we remember to do it more regularly.
Do you bring ritual into your relationship at all? I’d love to know how if you do.