Guest Blogger: A very real and open reflection on 13 years of marriage

This post, 13 Years Of (Not Always) Wedded Bliss by blogger Sharon Van Wyk really touched me so deeply. It is written with such honesty and transparency about what marriage can really be like. Whether your struggle is the same as theirs or whatever it may be, it is highly likely in your many years together that there will be something that threatens to tear you apart. My husband and I have had our own struggles and while we are in a very good space at the moment, I am under no illusion that this is how it’s always going to be. We can only hope that with love and a whole lot of work and commitment to each other and our marriage, we can stay the course together. I am so happy that this is what Sharon and her husband have done and I wish them many more years of love and commitment together.

13 Years Of (Not Always) Wedded Bliss by Sharon Van Wyk

Today, Sunday, 9 August 2015, Walter and I have been married for 13 years. Next month we will have been together for a total of 15 years. It seems almost impossible. The time has gone by so fast and in other ways it feels like we’ve already spent a life time together. We have good days and bad days. We fight. We love. We are best friends and sometimes enemies. We’ve been tested and faced some incredible struggles together, and somehow we are still together, somehow we make it through, a little battered, a little bruised, but we make it through.

Take a walk with me down memory lane will you… 15 years of memories together.

We met in real life way back in 2000. After having emailed each other jokes and rubbish for nearly two years, I’d been in a relationship with someone else, he was young, we “met” online but only actually met and started dating two years later. He was 24 and I was 28 and I had never met anyone quite like him. Independent and mature but still very childish and funny, oh he was funny, Walter still has the best sense of humour out of anyone I know.

A year later, I’d moved across the country, from Cape Town to Jo’burg to be with him and we’d gotten engaged. A year later, in 2002, we got married and shortly there after I had my first miscarriage and we faced our first and toughest trial as a couple. 7 years of infertility that very nearly ripped us apart. We also had lots of adventure. From 2003 to 2005, we lived in Maputo, Mozambique. It was the best and worst times of our lives, filled with fun, laughter and adventure.

After moving back from Mozambique, we started having fertility treatment, like as in the big guns, this was when all our IVF’s and my surgeries would take place. You guys, it was the toughest time of our lives, for me especially as it was physically very demanding. If you have friends who are going through this, be kind to them. But through it all, we managed to stay friends, only just sometimes and somehow we got through it. Somehow we still had good days and we were still able to laugh and be silly together!

And then a miracle happened and we became what we’d longed for… a family of 3! But instead of living happily ever after, we were faced with a new struggle… how to repair our tattered and torn marriage that had taken an absolute beating over the 7 years of our infertility. We went so far as talking about a separation pending divorce but thankfully, after nearly a year of intensive marriage counselling, we found our way back to each other again. Because life is rarely simple. In our quest to add to our family after Ava, we would go through two failed adoptions and one adoption loss before being blessed again with Hannah.

And finally we got our family of 4 and our happily ever after……But there really is no such thing as happily ever after is there?

And there are still tough times and good times. And times when I love him and times when I’m not even sure I like him. And times when he makes me laugh and times when he makes me so mad I could bash his head in. But I love him. Even when I hate him, I love him and I guess that’s why we still work, even after all these years, after all these trials, after all the grief, the sadness, the failures, the joy, the triumphs, I love him. I can’t be without him, even on his worst days and believe me, he can be a grump, I still wouldn’t choose to live my life without him. Forever and always my love….

For more posts by Sharon, visit her blog http://www.theblessedbarrenness.co.za/