Is Your Home A War Zone?

The other day I was talking to someone who had just come back from being away with her husband. She is often very irritated with him so I asked how it was being away together? She said, ‘Good. We’re actually so much better when we’re away than when we’re home.’

Isn’t that often the case? Of course, there’s the obvious reasons of being on holiday so you’re less stressed, more relaxed. But I also think there’s something else here. Sometimes the home can be a bit like a battlefield. There are mines all over just waiting to be detonated and you never know when and which one it’s going to be.

There was a point in our relationship where I really felt like this was it. I think it was at some point in our engagement period. I would imagine us getting divorced ( we weren’t even married yet!) and on the piece of paper where it asks you to write the reason, ( if they even do that) it would be written there :’doesn’t wipe the kitchen counters’. I swear this used to drive me insane. My husband would make a piece of toast, cook or whatever and then leave the counters dirty! Can you imagine?! I can laugh at it now but It really was an issue in our relationship for a while and it was then that I started to realise that this relationship stuff was not easy. How these seemingly inconsequential things can really get your blood boiling.

Thankfully, after a lot of communication we worked that one out and that is not an issue at all anymore. Well, kind of not. Now, we deal with rinsing the cloth and hanging it up after you’ve wiped the counters ( for hygienic purposes clearly), removing and rinsing the washing up sponge from the sink ( same reason) but these don’t do the same to me as they did back then.

I’m realising more and more that I can be a bit of a control freak ( major confession) but I confess to it so that means I am halfway there of trying to manage it, right? But this is why sometimes being at home together can cause so much angst. Because I like things a certain way and he doesn’t do it how I want him to! Just kidding…kind of…;)

Seriously though, so many of our irritations with each other are often over seemingly trivial stuff. But that’s the thing, seemingly trivial. Because there’s always an underlying issue that’s really going on. Not feeling valued, heard, appreciated. Having certain expectations not met. Whatever it may be, it is often there. And if those things aren’t addressed then those mines lying around the house get blown up one after the other in quick succession and before you know it you’re in a full blown war taking turns being on attack and defense. And that’s just not fun.

So while I’m happy to say there’s no war going on in our house, there are definitely still a couple of mines lurking and we are constantly in process of trying to diffuse them. One, however, seriously gets my blood boiling and causes me to imagine that piece of paper again. Only this time, on that piece of paper, reason for divorce will read, ‘ couldn’t put the toilet seat down! ‘ Do I even need to explain that one?!

PS. I show all my posts to my hubby first to see if he’s ok with what I write about us or him. He gets my sense of humour as I hope you do too. He knows I would never really divorce him over kitchen counters…the toilet seat on the other hand…;)