For those of you who have got to know me a bit through following my blog, you’ll know that while I think spending quality time together is so important, I also believe very strongly in giving to yourself and doing the necessary self work in order to have a loving and fulfilling relationship. One’s relationship with oneself should be vital if you are wanting to look after the relationship with each other. This guest post from Abigail K talks about that in a bit more detail as she strives to help women gain more confidence in themselves. She has just launched her Conscious Confidence Course which is sure to help many women become the best versions of themselves that they can be, and in turn strengthen all other relationships as well.
Love Yourself First, Then Love Hubby – By Abigail K
When it comes to personal development, one of the strongest visual reminders I have in my mind comes from the pre-flight safety demonstration that’s done in airplanes before take off. In particular it’s the part where they say
“In the event of a drop in cabin pressure, masks will drop from the bulkhead above. Place the mask securely over your nose and mouth before assisting others.”
Let’s repeat that for dramatic effect – “Place the mask securely over your nose and mouth before assisting others.”
Why do they say this?
Surely, we’ve been brought up to believe that we need to cater to other people’s needs before our own because that’s what makes us a kind and noble person.
No! It doesn’t! It makes you a burden. Because the next thing that happens is, you pass out because you’re trying to help everyone else, and it takes 3 people to carry your lifeless body from the window seat, which means there’s a hold up in the aisle, which means people don’t get to the emergency exit, which means everyone panics which means… you get the picture.
The reason they tell you to put your own mask on first is so that you can be awake and aware enough to be self-sufficient and then be in a position to assist others if need be.
The same is true when it comes to your self-love and self-confidence. You can’t expect your hubby to do all the work of loving you or making you feel confident. It starts with you loving yourself and working on your own confidence. Then with a full tank of love and confidence, you’re in a better position to love him and nurture your relationship.
It takes two loving, confident and committed people to make a relationship work. Much of the commitment in a marriage is not just a commitment to be faithful to the other person, but to be committed to showing up each day as the best possible version of yourself. When your relationship is built on the principle of both of you showing up in that way, the only possible outcome is a connection that’s fulfilling, engaging and inviting for both parties.
So how can you secure your mask, so to speak?
3 Ways To Practice Self Love And Confidence In Your Relationship.
1. Daily Personal Growth
Begin to ask the question “How can I become the best version of myself?” and then seek to find the answer. Learn about your strengths and weakness, develop a curiosity about the things that make you unique, seek to understand yourself in a way that you’ve never considered before. Whether it’s reading a book, listening to a podcast, watching a TED Talk, commit to spending time consuming content that expands your self-awareness.
2. Celebrate Your Body
Body confidence is probably the biggest killer of confidence in women. We compare ourselves to what we see online, in movies and in magazines setting ourselves up for failure in the process. When you realise that your man doesn’t see or care about the supposed imperfections you obsess about, you’ll realise that he loves you just the way you are, and that’s exactly how you should choose to feel about yourself too. Love your body, just the way you are. Thank it for all that it does for you. Treat it well like the precious gift that it is. Be kind to your body and your relationship will see the benefits.
3. What would your future self want you to do?
All relationships go through their ups and downs. When you’re in a down cycle, it’s easy to become apathetic and disconnected, which we all know, prolongs the agony. When things are not going well, our confidence can take a knock. A good way to help yourself and your relationship out of the slump is to ask yourself “What would my future self want me to do?” When you imagine your future self, imagine her as the wise, most fulfilled version of you who’s done it all, seen it all and has all the t-shirts. She has all the answers, so ask her. That’ll help you shift out of the emotional reactive state into one of more distant perspective, which will allow you to make smart choices and take action sooner.
If you’d like help to kickstarting your journey to self confidence, then sign up for the Conscious Confidence Course. Get the special, limited time, launch price when you sign up.
About The Author
Abigail is a Women’s Portrait Photographer whose specialist niche of photography lead to the discovery of her bigger purpose of helping women elevate their confidence. She recently launched her online course, Conscious Confidence because she believes that when women show up in the world as their most confident self, they inspire other women to do the same.