This week, I am featuring a post What Marriage Has Taught Me, by the lovely Namreen Sonday, blogger of Life And Times Of The Fireflies. I just love how Namreen articulates all that it has taught her with such honesty and insight. There are some real gems here which I know I certainly can relate to as I reflect on my own marriage and all the many lessons that I have learnt and continue to learn.
What Marriage Has Taught Me By Namreen Sonday.
There are certain experiences in life that nothing and nobody can prepare you for! Things that you have to walk the mile long for before you can understand the meaning and depth of that emotion. Moments that, when encountered, will ultimately change your perspective on life itself…Pregnancy, childbirth and Motherhood and Grief & loss are some of those things….Another is Marriage!
I admit, I was one of those girls who believed in finding Prince Charming, sailing into the sunset and living happily ever after. I admit to being disillusioned when things didn’t play out the way I planned. I guess I had no idea how much work actually went into what comes after. I thought I had it figured out. That all you needed to succeed were good intentions and love and fresh air. But this journey is made up of so much more than that! Love is only the beginning of an adventure that will unravel and unlock so many of life’s little treasures and mysteries.
Marriage is what happens when the dust of the grand wedding settles and the honeymoon is over and ‘real life’ begins…when the children start coming without warning or plan….when life throws you curveball after curveball…and you stand side by side, one with gloves and the other swinging a bat….through the moments you are unprepared for. The moments that throw you. The moments that make or break your commitment. ‘Cos that’s what marriage is. It’s staying committed through the storm and shaking up our snow globes each time the sparkle begins to wane… 13 years has taught me a lot about love and life. I wrote this sentimental post last year.This year I decided to write some of the things I have learnt along the way….
Sacrifice…No marriage is perfect. Every marriage has a sacrifice! Sometimes we look across the border and what we see on the other side seems better than what we’ve got. What I’ve learnt is that every marriage, at some point, will have to make sacrifices. We’ve had to sacrifice quite a bit along the way, but I believe that those sacrifices has been the water that keeps our garden green!
Independence…When I got married, I thought it was my sole duty to fulfil all my husbands needs and desires. Similarly, he felt the need to be my saviour and provider. As much as we have duties towards each other, and as much as we love each other and lean on each other for support, we are also individuals who have our own independent interests. Our independence is what makes us more dependable…. We don’t do everything together, which makes us appreciate our time together so much more!
Trust… Trust in a marriage is important. We as women worry about a lot of things! I have learnt that we are all just human at the end of the day and I need to put my faith and trust in God above all else! I have learnt to accept that whatever may come my way is God’s plan for me! It stops me from worrying about nonsense.
Focus on the strengths…I would’ve loved my husband to be a hopeless romantic as much as he would’ve loved me to be more organised, but neither of us are perfect. What I do have is a partner who is hardworking, honest, loyal, sincere and humble and I would pick him over and over and over again! His strengths and weakness compliments my own in such a way, that being placed together in this lifetime has only made us blossom and thrive!
Laughter is the best antidote…. Through all my wonky moods and elaborate metaphors and sometimes helpless circumstances…laughter has been the best medicine! Sometimes we just have to find the humour in things!
Some rules are meant to be broken…Let’s face it, Indian people have a stupid rule book!!! I’m not going to go in depth here, but some rules are just meant to be broken!
Marriage is not a Fairytale… He is not a Knight in shining armour and I am not a Princess! There will be times I will need to do the saving and there will be times that he will have his turn. We give and take and compromise and practice patience. My marriage will be a happy one for as long as I am happy. That’s why it is important to have enough space to breathe and grow as an individual. My husband, as wonderful and charming as he is, is also navigating through life. He doesn’t have all the answers and neither do I. We are doing this thing called life together for as long as we are blessed to do so. We will continue to help, guide and support each other every step of the way. I just hope and pray that those steps will lead us down the same path together till one day when we are old and grey…
Thank you Namreen for a beautiful post. You can read more of her posts on her blog, Life And Times Of The Fireflies.
So, what has marriage taught YOU?