Can we feel really upset about someone dying if we didn’t really know them? A friend of my husband’s died last week. My husband only knew him for about 5 months but in that time, they saw each other every day as they worked in the same office space and were working on a project together, had been riding together and were becoming friends. My husband spoke a lot about him and I was happy for him for the friendship that was forming. They were just about to launch their project together. It was exciting. It felt good.
And then he died.
I met him once.
And I can’t quite say what it is, but I feel so affected by his death.
The day we found out I couldn’t stop crying at the mere mention of it. I was completely emotional and felt so deeply saddened by it. So completely affected by it. And I can’t quite say why. Is it because he was young? Being only 37 years old, it certainly brings it very close to home and there is something so devastating about someone dying at our age. Because that could be us.
Maybe because of the loss of the friendship that was forming between the two of them. Maybe because he has a wife who is now left without a husband and the thought of what she must be going through just feels too unbearable to even think about. Maybe it brings up a lot of wounds and unresolved feelings from my dad’s death 5 years ago. I can’t quite say what it is but I just feel so incredibly saddened by it.
We went to his memorial on Friday and it was so beautiful and everyone spoke so highly of him. He was an angel in the physical world before he became one in the spiritual world. One of those true gems that exist in this world. And now he’s gone. (from this world anyway) He seemed to have an impact on everyone he met including my husband in such a short period of time and it seems in some strange way, including me.
When someone dies, it tends to put life into perspective. What really matters? It puts a microscope on all the things in our lives and magnifies the most important things we have… Love and each other. How clichéd but how true that nothing else matters. But in our every day existence, we seem to forget this. We take it for granted. We take each other for granted. We just assume we’ll have tomorrow to spend more time together, to make more effort, to make up for the time spent elsewhere but what if we don’t? What if there is no tomorrow? What matters the most? Sending that email out, an extra hour of work? Or spending time with the ones you love. Now. Today. While they’re here with us. Why does it often take a death for us to appreciate life? Why do we only say everything we’ve ever wanted to say to each other when that person is no longer here to hear it? Last night I told my husband I thought he was amazing because I really do think so and because I realised I hadn’t actually told him that. And I want him to know that. I want to know that he knows that’s what I think. Right now. We tell our children all the time that they’re amazing because we know we want them to know that as they’re growing up and it just seems to come so easily with them. But aren’t we still growing? As adults, don’t we want to know that as well? Yet, somehow we tend to forget to say the things we often feel in our hearts.
Something he said to my husband when they were on their bike ride the week before he died was ‘slow and steady wins the race’. This really resonated with me as life has been feeling so busy lately. We’re all in such a rush. Time is moving so quickly. But what if we just slowed down a bit? Took some time to look around us. Appreciate what we have. Breathe. Exhale. Slow down long enough to enjoy what we have? And let the ones we love know it. Let them know it now. Let them know what lives in our hearts, in our thoughts, in our souls. Slow down. Take a breath and say it. Say it now.