So from the title of the post, it might seem there are some days where I don’t love my husband. Well, to be honest there are. It’s not that I don’t love him but some days I feel it more than others. There have been days where I haven’t liked him very much, where he has really annoyed me, where I struggle to see the good. While even on these days I still love him, there are days where the love I feel for him is tangible, is so strong I don’t want him to leave the house, where how much I love him scares me because…well… it just does.
Today was one of those days. Today was one of those days where I wished it wasn’t a Monday, where I wished he didn’t have to go to work, where I wished I had nothing to do but spend the rest of the day together doing whatever we wanted.
And here’s why. Because today was one of those days where I woke up feeling pretty down. Where all my old stories and my negative voices were having a field day and were definitely on the winning team in succeeding to make me feel pretty crappy. Something my husband had done the night before had triggered it, something quite inconsequential and unintentionally hurtful had sent me into a bit of a downward spiral of weaving and spinning a whole bunch of negative thoughts and fears about him and myself. Totally unfounded and not at all true but that’s the thing with our negative thoughts and old stories, they don’t need truth to feel real and believable.
And this takes me back to why I’m loving my husband today. Because even though I may think I’m being ridiculous and a bit crazy, he doesn’t think that at all. Because he really listens when I talk to him and that makes me feel so loved. Because he tells me I’m amazing even when I don’t feel like I am. Because he tells me I’m the most incredible mom even though I certainly don’t always feel that either. Because he tells me I’m crazy for listening to those voices in my head and tells me to tell them to shut up and F*** off! Because when I tell him I feel like crawling under the duvet today, he tells me to do it if that’s what I need. Because he encourages me to do more for ME. Because he tells me he loves me and I believe it. Because even though I don’t always love me all the time, I do believe that he does. Because I struggled to tell him all that I told him this morning and from his response what I hear the most is: ‘I love you.‘ And because after having spoken to him this morning, my negative voices have been replaced with positive ones. For today, my old stories are being replaced by new ones. I don’t feel like staying under my duvet anymore. Because I feel so utterly blessed to have this man by my side who among many other things, helps to lift me up when I’m feeling down, helps me to see me through his eyes when my eyes are seeing things a little blurry.
And so that is why I’m loving my husband today.
I would love to hear from you…why are you loving yours?